I skipped work to stalk him.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
