You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
