Rock
Scissors
Fuck
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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