Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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