i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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