I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature