Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
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I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
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chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face