Texts From Last Night

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  (706): View more from Georgia

  Did we have sex?

  (1-706): View more from Georgia

  No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left

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  (706): Did we have sex? (1-706): No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left http://tfl.nu/lup5
  Replies (24) Good night (682) Bad night (5204)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace

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  (540): The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace http://tfl.nu/i9ng
  Replies (21) Good night (6484) Bad night (719)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you

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  (908): i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you http://tfl.nu/oo8d
  Replies (36) Good night (1087) Bad night (4517)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.

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  (865): I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is. http://tfl.nu/unb6
  Replies (13) Good night (4858) Bad night (1352)
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  (830): View more from Texas

  He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.

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  (830): He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net. http://tfl.nu/ybxr
  Replies (11) Good night (3966) Bad night (1211)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet

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  (507): Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet http://tfl.nu/981y
  Replies (7) Good night (1154) Bad night (1248)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.

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  (603): I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband. http://tfl.nu/f6ah
  Replies (5) Good night (463) Bad night (1560)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.

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  (231): I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it. http://tfl.nu/oche
  Replies (8) Good night (1739) Bad night (840)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly

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  (773): Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly http://tfl.nu/8cgf
  Replies (3) Good night (510) Bad night (893)
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  (518): View more from New York

  Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.

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  (518): Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you. http://tfl.nu/bm50
  Replies (6) Good night (2000) Bad night (640)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  The problem with that is that my car has been stolen

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  (609): The problem with that is that my car has been stolen http://tfl.nu/g95b
  Replies (3) Good night (641) Bad night (1460)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat

  (818): View more from California

  You had me at first table

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  (210): First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat (818): You had me at first table http://tfl.nu/zwwm
  Replies (0) Good night (866) Bad night (287)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.

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  (203): You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity (1-203): You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in. http://tfl.nu/9k8g
  Replies (1) Good night (963) Bad night (304)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.

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  (269): When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him. http://tfl.nu/ihig
  Replies (5) Good night (280) Bad night (788)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.

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  (217): I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five. http://tfl.nu/ev47
  Replies (4) Good night (498) Bad night (160)

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