Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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