dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after