So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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