I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize