now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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