walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
