My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I could fuck to npr.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
