So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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