he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Is that strawberry winking at me??
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
