I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I checked into jail on foursquare
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?