Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
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While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again