I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Bring me that man meat
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
