Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Are we still banned from the library?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Randomize
