I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.