We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.