What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS