You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize