Have you finally orgasmed yet?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
