the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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