Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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