I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
