He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
