Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
