we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Randomize
