Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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