If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Randomize
