ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Did you just see the Batmobile???
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
