Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
