just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
