16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
