I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
