I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
