I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
