I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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