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She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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