Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
