I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR