maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
yeah, it was that bad.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped