A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit