you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
turn off your phone and go to bed
R you on birth control?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Everclear isn't food dammit