Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
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My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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