I swear she didn't look like that last week.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
