he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
There's always time for handjobs
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
