Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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