I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
