hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
one two three fourrrrnication!
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
