just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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