singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
