you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
