You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
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Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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