Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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