Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
