I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
