matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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