I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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