The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
