he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
