My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
