DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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