Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
