i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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