If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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