The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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