If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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