I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
