She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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