Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
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I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
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Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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