I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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