She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
