I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
