hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
