I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I faked an abortion last night.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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