I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
