i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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