its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
