I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
