either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
