So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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