Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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